


How Not To Fry An Egg

by alba17



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-14
Updated: 2013-08-14
Packaged: 2017-12-23 11:41:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/925967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alba17/pseuds/alba17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gwaine tries to teach Merlin how to fry an egg. They get distracted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Not To Fry An Egg

**Author's Note:**

> Written for 1_million_words Word of the Day: nescience (1. lack of knowledge; ignorance.  
> 2\. agnosticism). Never heard of that word!
> 
> I have a real fondness for Gwaine as a chef. Not Britpicked, so I might have made some mistakes.

"God damn it!" Merlin threw the ruined eggs in the bin. "How hard can this be?" He waved around the frying pan like a weapon. "I'm just trying to fry eggs." The pan hit the cooker with a clang and Merlin ran a hand through his hair, leaving it in charming disarray.

Gwaine leaned against the counter and sipped his coffee, peering at Merlin over the edge of the mug. "Having some trouble?"

"Help?" Merlin said in a small voice.

Gwaine put down his mug, came over to Merlin and pulled him in by the hips. Merlin's cheek was bristly against his. "I'd be glad to help." He pressed a series of kisses down Merlin's face and ended at his mouth, which he captured in a soft, coffee-flavoured kiss. "Eggs are easy. You just have to get the timing right and watch them carefully. Here, let's start again." 

Starting up the process again, he put more butter in the pan and turned on the gas. "Okay, I want you to do it." He maneuvered Merlin into position in front of the cooker and plastered his chest to Merlin's back, then brought his arms around to Merlin's front, octopus-like. Merlin was all comfy warm and his t-shirt was a holey broken-in one that said 'Ealdor Secondary School Spring Fling' on the front. 

"Is this what you call hands-on training? If this is how you do it at the restaurant, I want to see the people you're hiring in your kitchen. Because they better all be ugly. And stupid. And boring."

Gwaine snickered. "This is VIP treatment, special for you, darling." He rolled his hips into Merlin's arse.

"In that case, I heartily approve."

"Alright then. First let the pan heat up a bit. When it's good and hot, but not too hot, break your eggs into the pan."

He curled a hand around Merlin's. Merlin giggled and awkwardly took an egg out of the package. "This is silly," Merlin said. 

"Do you want to know how to fry an egg or not?"

Merlin snorted. "Alright, alright."

Gwaine directed his hand toward the pan. "Break the egg against the edge of the pan." They tried to break it, Gwaine applying pressure to Merlin's hand. It broke but half of it ended up on their hands and half in the pan with little white chips of eggshell stuck in it. "Oh well," Gwaine said. "A few bits of shell won't matter."

Merlin suppressed more giggles. "This is ridiculous. I'm never going to get any breakfast this way."

"This is the Gwaine way. Take it or leave it." Gwaine kissed the back of Merlin's neck, letting a little tongue touch the skin.

"Um. The egg's cooking."

"Oh. Yeah. Okay. Quick, put the second egg in. You do it yourself this time."

Merlin hit the egg against the pan, dong better this time, although some of the white slid down the outside of the pan into the flame. "I always mess up this bit."

"You're doing fine. Now just let it cook until it looks firm, or however done you like them." Gwaine's hands wandered down Merlin's front. "I don't know about you, but I like my eggs nice and firm." He palmed Merlin's crotch and Merlin relaxed into his embrace for a second before thinking better of it.

"Gwaine! I'm standing inches from a flame. No wonder chefs have so many burns. "

Undeterred, Gwaine burrowed his face in Merlin's neck and stroked his chest and stomach. "Better check those eggs, see if they're done."

"The top looks liquidy. Wait…oh…I think it seems done now. Maybe. What do I do?"

Gwaine was busy nibbling his earlobe. "Mmm. Spatula."

Distracted, Merlin arched his neck back and closed his eyes. Gwaine flicked his tongue into Merlin's ear. "Uh…" Merlin said.

The pan sizzled.

Gwaine bit the side of Merlin's neck and soothed the spot with his lips and tongue.

"Gwaine…," Merlin murmured. "The eggs…"

They smelled burning and smoke rose from the pan.

"Crap." Gwaine grabbed the handle of the pan with his bare hand and threw it in the sink, eggs and all. It hissed against the wet surface.

"Your hand!"

"I'm a chef. My hands have mutated into silicone and scar tissue."

"Now what am I going to do for breakfast?" Merlin grinned and wrapped his arms around Gwaine's waist. "It's entirely your fault, you know."

Gwaine waggled his eyebrows and wiggled his hips. "I've got something for you to eat right here." 

"Oh lord. I'm going to have to ban you from making bad puns, aren't I?"

"It's not my fault, anyway. It's yours for being such a sexy bastard."

"Can't keep your hands off of me, is that it?"

"Exactly right. Thank god you don't work in the restaurant. I'd never get anything done."

Merlin took his hand and led him out of the kitchen towards the bedroom. "Come on. Neither of us will get anything done today until we get this out of the way."

"Out of the way? Is that how you talk about making love with your boyfriend?"

Merlin twirled him into the bedroom and pushed him onto the bed where Gwaine looked up at him with raised eyebrows, holding back a laugh. Merlin climbed onto him and straddled his upper thighs. "You're trouble, mister. I always knew it. Time for me to teach _you_ a lesson," Merlin said in a low voice.

"I like the sound of that."

"First we start by raising your arms above your head and tying your wrists together…"


End file.
